


Obliviate

by Frostberry



Category: Naruto
Genre: HP AU, M/M, do y'all like quidditch, hidans an asshole as usual, its Hidan and Kakuzu as basically death eaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-05 14:51:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21210356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frostberry/pseuds/Frostberry
Summary: Hidan and Kakuzu’s journey from Hogwarts to members of the Akatsuki. HP AU. For the Kakuzu x Hidan Week.





	1. Payback

“The Hogwarts Quidditch Team will be playing against Durmstrang this Saturday,” Dumbledore said over his speech at the Halloween feast. “We are lucky enough to be hosting this week’s semi final. Good luck and I hope to see everyone this Saturday down at the Quidditch Pitch.” 

Hidan stretched his neck to look over at the Slytherin table at Kakuzu. Kakuzu had his head down, pretending not to listen to the headmaster. 

Kisame poked Hidan in the ribs. “Wasn’t Kakuzu originally from Durmstrang?” He whispered, blue skin looking green in the candlelight from the remains of the Halloween feast that disappeared from the table. Hidan nodded. 

“I think so, yeah.” 

The only muggleborn to be expelled from Durmstrang - then sorted into Slytherin - muggleborns were almost unheard of in Slytherin, despite Professor Slughorn telling everyone otherwise. 

Everyone’s bellies were full from the feast - Hidan hoped to never see another glass of pumpkin juice ever again. 

Madam Hooch gave Hidan and Kisame freshly cleaned Hogwarts Quidditch robes - just plain black to represent the black robes everyone wore at Hogwarts over their uniform. They played Keeper and Beater respectively, and the only two Hufflepuffs to be on the team. Hidan didn’t really want to be on the team but after the captain - Kakuzu - saw him split open a bludger in the first match of the term against Slytherin, Kakuzu told him to be on the team or else he’d tell Professor Dumbledore how he’d taken all of the Jashinism books out of his office when he was absent. 

Saturday came around, and the Durmstrang congregation appeared in the morning. Instead of arriving by ship like they do for the Triwizard Tournament, they arrived by Portkey in Hogsmeade, the headmaster glaring at anyone who looked at him. Hidan, Kisame, and the rest of the Quidditch team had to go down to Hogsmeade to meet and greet. Or, as Kisame put it - _ most _of the Quidditch team did ‘meet and greet’ whereas Hidan turned up with them wearing his pendant and HAIL JASHIN robes. 

“No Durmstrang student in their right mind would consider joining your stupid little cult,” Deidara said while Kakuzu approached the team in front of them and was introducing himself. They were all holding Firebolts, Hidan noticed. He looked at his old shitty Nimbus 2000. It was growing twigs.

Hidan then watched with great delight as Kakuzu broke the hand of the Durmstrang Captain, Pein, while giving him a handshake. One of the chasers next to him scowled and used _ Episkey _to mend it.

“That’s not all he’ll be breaking this afternoon,” Hidan called out and the Hogwarts team snickered. Madam Hooch looked angry with the lot of them. 

“How on earth did the Hogwarts Quidditch Team manage to attract the students with the worst attitude!?” She glared at them all after apologising furiously in broken German to the Sports Professor and Headteacher of Durmstrang. She looked at the chasers. Ravenclaws Deidara, Sasori and Slytherin Obito, to beaters Hidan and Kakuzu, keeper Kisame and then finally to the seeker Itachi from Gryffindor, who was actually blind as a bat but had a good track record of getting the snitch (through echolocation). 

“It’s not us,” Itachi pointed out. “Hidan just has a bad attitude.” 

“Go fuck a lion, you stupid Gryffindor,” Hidan shot back. 

A Durmstrang player interrupted them. “I don’t think it’s a bad attitude,” he said with a shrug. “They’re just - British.” 

The Durmstrang team howled with laughter. Kakuzu scowled and crossed his arms, not wanting to be apart of any of it. 

“Let’s go.” 

They took the Durmstrang lot past the Three Broomsticks, up the alley and around the train station and over the rails. There was now a mile and a half walk through a dirty, slightly muddy road surrounded by a thicket of trees and brambles. 

Hidan hurried up to Kakuzu, who was talking in another language to Pein. “Man, Kakuzu - you’re so fucking smart, when will you go out with me?” 

Pein stopped what he was talking about and glanced at Kakuzu. Hidan grinned. 

“When hell freezes over,” said Kakuzu, walking a bit more quickly. 

“Come on,” Hidan called, now in line with Deidara and a grumpy Sasori. “You know we are soulmates!” 

“Hidan, just quit it, yeah,” said Deidara, whacking him on the shoulder. “Nagging him to go out with you is not romantic. It’s just plain stupid and slightly creepy.” 

Obito, who was walking behind them, laughed. “I nagged Kakashi to get Rin to go out with me. It does work.” 

“Right then,” said Hidan, cracking his knuckles. “Everyone else can ask him out for me, then. You can start first, Obito.” 

***

Itachi, who, unlike the rest of his team, was extremely smart. As a hatstall between Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, he possessed the qualities of the three houses very well. He stood up to Hidan when needed, kept Deidara in line, had reasonable conversations with Sasori about the latest developments in _ Transfiguration Today, _and critiqued Kakuzu’s captain skills. 

Itachi was also good with charms, and when they got back to Hogwarts, he summoned an extendable ear from the Gryffindor Common Room and used the _ transferendum _spell to translate everything Pein and Kakuzu were saying from Norwegian into English. Durmstrang must have been a multi-language school, as he’d heard so many different languages all in one day. 

Hidan, Itachi, Deidara and Obito were now sitting around the corner of the Hogwarts grounds, while Sasori kept watch on Pein and Kakuzu. Each of them had a line that connected to one extendable ear. The extendable ear line was a few feet away from them. 

“_ The Red Cloud is getting darker,” _ said Pein, showing something on his wrist. Hidan glanced around the corner and squinted, his pink eyes making the whites of his eyes look darker. He couldn’t really see what it was. “ _ It will happen soon. You need to know so you can come at the right time.” _

_ “I need that mark, _ ” Kakuzu answered. “ _ I will be by Akatsuki’s side when the time comes.” _

“Time for what?” Hidan said loudly. Deidara shot him a glare and Sasori tried to shoo them away before Kakuzu noticed. 

“Time for you to stop being a fucking moron, yeah.” 

***

Madam Hooch’s whistle sounded and fourteen brooms flew into the air, shooting into different directions. Hidan followed Kakuzu who went straight for one of the bludgers to hit at the Durmstrang chasers in possession of the Quaffle. 

“_ Durmstrang team have a tight team this year. No one else pulls off wearing furs like them,” _ Zetsu was saying, although it was hard to figure out _ which _ Zetsu it was. “ _ Probably ripped from poor martens and foxes, poor things.” _ Yep. That was both Zetsu’s alright - complete two faced weirdo from Slytherin who was only friends with Obito. “ _ Itachi Uchiha is replacing Uzumaki Naruto as seeker, as he is currently in the Hospital Wing transformed as a woman from an accident involving a transfiguration attempt gone wrong… Durmstrang has some mighty fine Chasers this year... I might ask for a toenail later.” _

Hidan got out his bat and hit the iron ball at the Quaffle, so it would smash into it and the Durmstrang chaser would drop it. 

“_ We have a message from Obito Uchiha today, Hogwarts chaser from Slytherin, _ ” Zetsu was reading out loud from a piece of parchment in front of him. “ _ He says he loves Rin Nohara very much and thanks Kakashi for helping him realise she was the woman of his dreams. He has put some violet creams on her dormitory bed for when she gets back from this match. Obito is passing the message on that nagging a friend to ask someone else out is a very good thing to do. So Obito wants to know is this…” _

Hidan stopped what he was doing to listen to Zetsu. “Don’t fucking tell me…” he muttered under his breath. 

“_ Captain of the Hogwarts Quidditch Team, Kakuzu. Will you go out with the beater representing Hufflepuff, Hidan?” _

At that point Hidan felt a crack on his head as Kakuzu hit the bludger as hard as he could at Hidan’s head from above him, nearly killing him. 

“Now that’s payback, you fucking twat.”

-

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-

\----

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Authors Note: 

-

I will be posting a chapter for each day for the KH Week! Thank you for reading.  
A/N: Also don’t get a friend to harass a crush of yours, because it’s creepy and the person will get annoyed. And yes it’s also technically harassment. (In RL you'll get told off).  
Anyway, for those who wanted to know:  
Deidara - Ravenclaw (Smart as fuck etc)  
Sasori - Ravenclaw (Idk just v smart)  
Kisame - Hufflepuff (Loyal as fuck)  
Itachi - Gryffindor (Brave, courageous etc)  
Hidan - Hufflepuff (Loyal to his God)  
Kakuzu - Slytherin (Ambitious af)  
Obito - Slytherin (Pureblood Line + Manipulative)  
The thing is I believe everyone has their own traits in each of the Hogwarts houses. For instance Itachi has traits of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin.


	2. When We Were Young

“He’s late.” 

Kakuzu was an impatient wizard, checking his watch for the fifteenth time that night. Hidan gave him a look, as if he was something that should be thrown in a bin. 

“He’s two minutes late. Not everyone knows where the fucking Slytherin Common Room is.” 

Kakuzu grunted. “It should be fairly obvious.” 

“Bullshit,” said Hidan. “Do you know where the Ravenclaw Common Room is? I bet you don’t.”

“...It’s somewhere near the library.” 

“It’s in one of the fucking towers.” 

Kakuzu looked surprised. “Oh.” 

“Ever since you agreed to date me, I realise you are dumber than I actually thought.” 

Kakuzu hummed but did not agree. After the disastrous Quidditch match against Durmstrang that happened last term (345 points to Hogwart's 90) to which Zetsu, Obito and Hidan got detentions for - Kakuzu finally agreed to go out with Hidan. 

Hidan figured out very quickly that Pein from Durmstrang had asked him about getting a Red Cloud tattoo, as one of the most feared and darkest wizards of all time, Madara Uchiha, was returning to spike terror in everyone. Kakuzu decided he wanted to be apart of Madara’s organisation - The Akatsuki, as well. They were like the Death Eaters back in the 90’s - just using symbolism with red clouds instead of snakes and skulls. 

“ _ Cool _ ,” Hidan had said. “ _ Can I join? That will give me an excuse to preach the will of the most darkest Wizard to ever live, Lord Jashin.”  _

Kakuzu thought back to that. He knew Hidan was fucking crazy with a knack for the dark arts, so why not also get him to join as well? It was a good idea. 

The wall in front of the Slytherin Common Room swung open. 

“Sorry, yeah,” said Deidara, clambering into the room. He was wearing pyjamas with Quodpot players on them, holding a vial of red ink. “I got lost on the way. Uzumaki was being annoying, telling me to go back to my Common Room or else he’d throw a dungbomb at me. Kakuzu, why am I not surprised the Slytherin Common Room is in the dungeons?” He shuffled a bit to let Sasori in after him. 

“Beats me,” Hidan grumbled. “It’s not that hard, and the passwords have got something to do with how flippin’ fantastic Slytherin seems to think of itself. You could fucking guess them and you’ll still figure it out.”

“You’re probably the first Hufflepuff to get into the Slytherin Common Room, yeah,” Deidara pointed out, looking at Hidan. Hidan wanted to remind Deidara that he was currently on snogging terms with Kakuzu which meant late nights in the Slytherin dormitories. Next to Deidara, Sasori glanced at his watch, impatient as Kakuzu was. Hidan shrugged. “It would probably be easier to do this in the Hufflepuff Common Room because nobody would expect a thing.” Deidara pulled back his Ravenclaw robes to reveal a small vial. “Anyway, for this to work, you needed a muggleborn’s blood in it to seep for twenty four hours, yeah. That’s why we couldn’t get the ink done till today.” 

“What the fuck is wrong with Madara.” Hidan said. Kakuzu, a mudblood by birth, felt an odd sense of pride in him. 

Deidara shrugged. “Just taking after Voldemort I suppose. I used an ickle first year’s blood by throwing a Blast Ended Skrewt in the third floor corridor, yeah.” 

“You’re a true blooded Ravenclaw at least - smart  _ and  _ stupid at the same time at once.” Kakuzu pulled up his arm sleeves. 

Deidara cleaned the area first with a sanitizer, then took out the liquid with his wand from the vial, swirling in the air like a pensieve memory. It stung Kakuzu’s arm as the inky substance latched onto his skin, and he started drawing. 

“Man that’s the ugliest red cloud I’ve seen.” Hidan looked over at Kakuzu’s arm while Sasori was drawing on his. 

Deidara threw him a look. “I’m a sculptor, not a drawer.” Sasori finished off Hidan’s arm with a flourish. Deidara looked at his handiwork on Kakuzu’s arm and smiled. 

“At least Master Sasori knows how to draw.”

Kakuzu didn’t think so. It was a mediocre cloud at best, to represent  _ Red Dawn,  _ or Akatsuki. 

“ _ Hidan and Kakuzu. I was expecting you.”  _

The four of them stilled. Madara’s voice had penetrated their minds; obviously with some sort of spell. By the way Deidara and Sasori looked up, they must have drawn the red cloud on their arms beforehand. Madara Uchiha sounded weak, but still someone to be feared. 

“ _ I want two new recruits to find me my pendant… it should be down in the Chamber of Secrets. Check up on it to see if it is still there.”  _

The voice vanished. 

“After two hundred years of being fucking dead,” said Hidan, “He has the nerve to make us go down to the Chamber.” 

None of them answered. 

“Where is the chamber, anyway?” asked Deidara. “I’ve heard of it, but never seen it, yeah.” 

Kakuzu answered for them dully. “It’s in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom.” He knew a bit about it, as it was a common thing in Slytherin to badger Myrtle about it. She was only too happy to give vague answers about Harry Potter defeating something down there, then proceeded to cry because she was dead. 

“...Ew.” said Deidara and Hidan at once. 

“Just don’t go in there while she’s there, or she’ll flood the toilets,” said Sasori, getting up and brushing off his robes. “Well, Deidara, lets go… these guys can find the pendant.” 

“Wait, no-” 

They both left, Hidan protesting. 

Kakuzu sighed. He put his robe arm down, and pulled Hidan up. “Come on.” 

Hidan squawked. “Why do  _ we  _ have to do it? I want to admire my tattoo.” 

“It looks fine,” said Kakuzu, who didn’t mention how awful it truly was. It looked like a five year old had done it. “We’ll use the shortcut in the dungeons which gets us near Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom.” 

“Kakuzu,” said Hidan, and Kakuzu noticed there was a sense of serious in his voice. “Are you doing this so you are rewarded? Going to Madara’s ickle accountant?” 

“It’s better to be in Madara’s good books when he returns.” said Kakuzu, pushing Hidan away when he tried to take his hand. 

“There’s no one here! You could take my hand. It smells nice, y'know!"

“You can have it after we find what Madara wants.” 

***

It didn’t take long to get to the bathroom. They were about to open the door, only to find Myrtle wailing about something and banging away. Splashes of water could be heard outside. After five minutes of waiting, Kakuzu started walking. “Let’s go to the Room of Requirement.” 

The Room of Requirement wouldn’t open until Kakuzu banged the wall hard enough. The door opened to find a few first year muggleborns who were watching the final of the Premier League on muggle television. 

“Get out.” He growled at them, and they all looked fearful at a tall and foreboding Slytherin glaring at them. “Or I’ll tell Professor McGonagall.” They ran out, not looking at Hidan as they went past. 

The wall turned into a large circle door almost immediately, with a large seven headed snake on it, scales glittering in the night. There was no door handle to open it. 

“There’s a password,” Kakuzu supplied, as Hidan began kicking at it. He stopped. 

“So whats the fucking password?” 

“Luckily I know,” said Kakuzu. He pulled out from his robes a scroll, which Hidan recognised as a translating scroll used in most classes for understanding spellwork. 

Kakuzu unrolled the scroll, which was blank. “Hey, Scroll,” he said at it, pointing his wand. “Tell me the word for ‘open’ in Parseltongue.” 

“ _ Sigh…. Huski…. Deh….”  _ It supplied lazily, and the door slowly opened. 

***

The chamber smelled of sewage and was cold. Obviously no one had been in here for years. 

“Salazar fucking Slytherin didn’t see that invention coming.” There was a large basiilik skeleton, as expected from what Kakuzu had heard about it. 

Hidan kicked at one of the fangs on the floor. Kakuzu took out a bag from out of nowhere and started collecting them. “Don’t touch them.” he said, moving Hidan out the way. 

“What the fuck are you doing with them then?” said Hidan, crossing his arms and leaning over. 

“Basilisk fangs are worth at  _ least  _ forty galleons in this economy. Now look for the pendant,” Kakuzu said, and Hidan swore he heard Kakuzu mutter  _ dumbass  _ under his breath.

“Yeah, whatever,” Hidan rolled his eyes and looked around the chamber. It was long, gross with toilet water and the bricks were covered in mouldy film. A large broken statue of Salazar Slytherin was on the side. Green flames on the walls didn’t make the place any warmer - it just made everything look like it was covered in floo powder. 

Hidan found it several minutes later hanging on the wall, behind a stone snake head. “This is it?” He held up the chain of the pendant, which had a circle in a triangle on it. “This looks exactly the same as my pendant - I didn’t know he was a follower of Jashin.” 

“I don’t think Madara would have anything to do with Jashin,” said Kakuzu, coming over, bag full of fangs. “Is this what Madara needed?” 

Hidan pulled at the pendant’s circle. “It’s not coming off. Fuck it. I’m out-” 

“Madara Uchiha doesn’t let anyone back out of being apart of Akatsuki,” said Kakuzu. “You’re in it for life.” 

Unsticky charms didn’t work, either. Hidan took out one of the Basilisk fangs from the bag. “Let’s try this.” 

It made a terrible scream upon impact of the fang and rattled. Immediately Hidan jumped back. It fell off the wall.

“Ah fuck. We may have broke it...” said Hidan. “Shit. Let’s not tell Madara.” He inspected the pendant closely and shrugged. He reached into his robes and swapped it with his own more shinier one. He put it on one of the statues of a mean looking serpent, several feet to the left of where it was. 

As Hidan put on Madara’s pendant, he didn’t feel as though this was going to end well. Especially because he knew whatever it was that screamed inside didn’t die - and now Hidan had taken possession of Madara Uchiha’s, Kakuzu wasn’t sure that when he was resurrected, how the dark wizard would take the news of one of his own followers taking his things. 


	3. Reunion

**** Several years after the events of Hidan and Kakuzu in their Seventh Year at Hogwarts, the Wizarding World had changed. Post-era Voldemort had now faded into history as Madara Uchiha was resurrected by a healer from St Mungos, out of all people. His right hand man was currently Obito.

Madara had not struck yet; the Ministry of Magic decided to not publish any information about it, just like they did with previous dark wizarding wars. 

After Kakuzu and Hidan graduated, Kakuzu took a job at Gringotts, liasoning with goblins and working with both muggle and wizarding currency to balance out the exchange rates between the two communities. This was one of the most boring jobs in the world. 

They’d also been married for a few months. Kakuzu had gone to the cheapest wedding register office he could find, which was abroad and took Hidan with him. They ended up getting married in a shabby laundromat in France, where the celebrant was a goblin anyway - only paying 17 galleons and five sickles for a marriage certificate. Hidan gave the goblin a few euros as a tip.

Hidan had been working for a few weeks now at Borgin and Burkes, because naturally there was no way with his track record he would be able to get any work in Diagon Alley. Knockturn Alley was his forte, where he would preach to the wandless, who did not listen. 

***

That morning, Kakuzu said goodbye as he headed to Gringotts which was only half a mile away from Knockturn Alley. It had started raining since they’d left the house that morning - Hidan knew that when dark arts corrupted the atmosphere and muggles blamed it on something called ‘global warming’. 

He took out his wand to use as an umbrella as he walked down Knockturn Alley, dragonhide boots hitting the cobbled stones as he went. He nodded to several people - and members of the Akatsuki - he knew. The Wizarding World wasn’t exactly large, so he mostly spotted those who had left Hogwarts. 

The bell dinged as Hidan went into Borgin and Burkes. There were already several customers in it - they had brought in their shady items for someone to get advice from just in case it could be used against dark magic. 

Borgin nodded at Hidan and went out the back, obviously was waiting for Hidan to arrive to deal with idiot people. An ugly witch - Mosag - stepped forward, and Hidan remembered he had to attempt to act  _ nice  _ so people would go back into the shop again instead of scaring them off. 

“Yes?” said Hidan. “What do you have today?” He looked down at her and recognised her - she’d been in before. 

She smelled of rubbish, and her hands were filthy. At least ten rings were on her stubby fat fingers. In her hand was a black vase and she put it on the table for Hidan to have a look at. There were grease marks where her hand had been on the vase. Mosag, according to Borgin, was a known hoarder and collected old wizarding junk in case it was worth a few sickles. 

“A vase full of dark magic,” she said, eyes blinking slowly. “If you put your hand in it, it gets eaten. Old Fubster has only one limb remaining and this was in his yard and said I could have it.” 

“...Right.” Hidan didn’t look too impressed. If this was the case, then putting any hand on it would work. He turned around and took a box out from behind the counter. It was full of dirty human bones. 

He picked out the hand, which was glued together by magic and not in a pile like the rest of the bones. He put the hand in the vase, which made a sort of grinding sound. He then tipped it out on the wooden table, only to find the bones had turned into fine sawdust.

“Will I be able to defend myself when dark wizards come to my home with this?” Morag asked. 

Hidan’s arm twitched as the red cloud Sasori had drawn on him burned slightly. “...I suppose so. Well, if you can get them to put their hand in the vase, that is.” He didn’t add that the best way to know if dark wizards were coming was being in possession of a sneakoscope, but she didn’t need to know that. 

Borgin’s shadow darked behind Hidan. “We can remove the curse on the vase for ten galleons,” he supplied boredly. He was so much like Kakuzu it wasn’t funny. 

Hidan cringed. 

Mosag shook her head. “No thank you. I want these for my sunflowers.” She shuffled away, leaving the shop door to close slowly behind her. A large barn owl darted past her quickly and dropped a note in front of Hidan while Borgin went to polish some skin changing mirrors. 

_ Meet you in front of Gringotts at 4pm today. - Kakuzu  _

Hidan sighed and rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long day. 

***

Kakuzu was waiting outside on the concrete steps of Gringotts. The wizards working at Gringotts wore dark blue robes and suits, except for curse breakers who wore gray. He had a suitcase in his hand, which was probably full of paperwork he would do when they got home. A few goblins went past him, eyeing Hidan in disgust as he went up and kissed his husband on the cheek. 

“Homophobic animals,” he shot at the goblins who walked off, glaring. He gave them the finger and Kakuzu nearly hit him. 

“Those are my work colleagues!” 

“Colleagues?” Hidan let out a laugh. “More like work creatures. Fucking ugly things.” 

Kakuzu gave him his lunch - a steak and cheese pasty from Greggs, the muggle bakery chain around the corner that was ran by wizards. Hidan ate it hungrily, giving Kakuzu a few sickles for it as Kakuzu wouldn’t back down until he got his money back. 

“Hidan,” he said seriously, sitting down on the steps next to him as he devoured his pasty. “Remember that pendant from the Chamber of Secrets?” 

Hidan looked up from his pastry. “Why?” The pendant was over his Borgin and Burkes uniform, which he took out when he wasn’t in the shop or when he prayed during his breaks. He felt it on his chest, its little heartbeat pumping away near his own heart. 

“A little bird told me Madara went to check on his pendant.” 

Hidan’s eyes widened comically. “Oh fuck.” 

“Yes, oh fuck,” Kakuzu said, remembering how Sasori had come into Gringotts earlier that day to warn him. “We have to go to the meeting with him.” He held in his hand a bit of parchment which just had the date and time on it, and a red, bloody fingerprint at the bottom, which supposedly looked a bit like a cloud. 

“As long as Jashin saves me from whatever he’s going to do to me, fuck him.” 

They apparated after Hidan threw away the rest of his meal to the wandless who scurried forward. 

***

Madara Uchiha was not pleased when Hidan and Kakuzu appeared at the Uchiha Compound, still in their work uniforms, Hidan quickly putting his pendant under his robes. Itachi had opened the door, silent as ever, and showed them the way into the meeting room - even though they’d already been there several times in the last year to discuss Akatsuki matters. 

“You’re late.” Madara Uchiha growled at them. Kakuzu looked at the parchment. They were three minutes early. 

He then threw a sack of coins to Kakuzu. “Sort out my finances.” 

Hidan looked around and recognized a few faces - mainly from previous meetings. He nodded at Deidara and Sasori near the end of the table and Obito by the doorway. Zetsu, the creep he was - seemed to be gnawing on a human bone and everyone was keeping a distance. Most of the others were older or former death eaters. Each member of the Akatsuki was a dark wizard or witch, each with a red cloud tattoo on their wrist to show their loyalty. Most of them would have had to kill a muggle to show their loyalty - lucky, Kakuzu and Hidan didn’t have to do that, although Hidan wouldn’t have minded it. 

Kakuzu summoned a few scrolls of parchment with lots of confusing numbers and equations on it, took one look at Hidan and sat at Madara’s left. 

“You and Kakuzu went to check on my pendant several years ago at Hogwarts.” Madara began. 

“We did.” Hidan wasn’t afraid of Madara. Everyone else who knew Madara gave him a sense of respect. The only noise in the room was meaty chewing from Zetsu, who didn’t realise everyone was silent and watching him as they were too scared to look at Madara. 

The pendant - originally Madara’s - thumped around Hidan’s neck. 

Madara opened his mouth. “It had been moved. Why was it moved?” 

Hidan felt a sense of relief that Madara wasn’t going to decapitate him for switching the pendants. “It wouldn’t come off the fucking wall, thats why.” 

Madara’s clawed hands turned into fists. “You were told to  _ check  _ up on it. Not move it several feet to the left.” 

Hidan shrugged. “You aren’t exactly good at giving orders,  _ sir _ .” 

Kakuzu had stopped writing with his quill to look up at Hidan. He was the only person to stand up to the immortal evil dark wizard, because he was as twisted as Madara himself. 

Madara stood up. His snake, a large white serpent named Orochimaru, hissed and slinked out of sight. 

“You know why I joined this organisation,” Hidan carried on, not afraid of Madara. The pendant thumped harder on his chest. It was bloody lucky Madara had not noticed it had been switched, and the real one was only a few metres away from him. “To be able to spread the word of Jashin which is in align with your dark arts movement. Not to piss on your little necklace.” 

“How dare you,” Madara hissed. He scraped his chair back and moved in front of the fire. His robes black as soot, greasy hair spiky and down to his waist. “You do not speak to the great, most evil wizard of all time like  _ that _ .” 

“Greatest?” Hidan gave a laugh. Kakuzu glared at him, trying to get his husband to  _ stop  _ pissing Madara off, but he wasn’t looking in his direction. “You’re pathetic because some Senju stopped you in your tracks and it took what, fucking two hundred or so years to come back to fucking life? Voldemort would have fucking killed you by now if he was still alive.” 

Madara raised his wand. 

Hidan stood, defiant.  _ I chose Jashin over death.  _

“ _ Avada Kedavra!” _

A flash of green light erupted from his wand, hitting Hidan square in the chest and throwing him several metres in the air. The pendant burst open and with it, several flames. It burned into Hidan’s skin, and he felt something rip his heart. He gasped as his body collided with the fireplace, charcoal falling into him like black rain. 

Madara also fell back from the strength of the spell, his head hitting the wall of the Uchiha compound. Both wizards seemed to be unconscious. 

Kakuzu got up immediately and went over to Hidan, hoping in his head that his stupid God would bring him back to life. 

There was a cough as Hidan regained consciousness, spitting out ash. Madara groaned as Obito helped him up. 

The entire table was agasp with silence. Zetsu had stopped chewing on fingernails to see both wizards look at each other. Madara got up, dusting his knees and put his wand in his pocket. 

“I see,” he said, looking up at Hidan. “You’re just like the boy who lived.” 


	4. A Foot in the Grave

“Madara gave me the  _ worst  _ fucking job, because it was dangerous and he was too FUCKING lazy to do his own shit. He should get a fucking house elf to do his stupid fucking dirtywork.” 

“He’s not using ours,” said Kakuzu, reading glasses on and head behind _ The Daily Prophet.  _

They were having breakfast in their little London flat on Grimmauld Place. Hidan had been out all night going on a killing spree. Fifteen muggles, mostly families, and two wizards were now dead, a red cloud pouring with bloody rain on their house, along with a spray painted symbol for Jashin on the door. The Ministry had been taken over; there was no point in attempting to frame Hidan for murder. 

“No, Madara won’t use our house elf. Shikamaru is too fucking lazy to do shit,” Hidan shot a nasty look at the elf, who was three foot tall and could barely see over the frying pan, where he made eggs. Shikamaru yawned, then bowed. 

“Master can only say what goes into his brain.” 

“You’re the rudest little shit,” said Hidan, wanting to pour the hot oil and eggs on Shikamaru’s head. He wasn’t a very good house elf. He had come with the house when Kakuzu got it in part of an exchange with forty basilisk fangs instead of galleons. Shikamaru spent most of the time outside in the back garden watching the clouds and didn’t do the dishes until late at night. “This house I bet was worth nothing because it came with  _ you. _ ” 

He then looked up at Kakuzu. “Are you coming along for my mission today?” 

“Yes,” said Kakuzu, closing his newspaper. “It’s my day off today.” He didn’t mind going along with Hidan because Hidan usually brought him something valuable back. The portkey arranged by Itachi was in front of him, a tatty old piece of rope. Kakuzu briefly thought about choking Hidan with it before getting up and putting his travelling cloak on. “When does the Portkey leave?” 

“One minute,” replied Hidan, picking at a thread on the rope, on his finger was a glittering goblin made wedding band. “All I know is that I have to check on some random cave and check what’s in the water.” 

“Knowing Madara,” said Kakuzu, putting his hand on the piece of rope, “There’s more to that mission than checking what’s in the water.” 

Hidan shrugged. “He said something else but I wasn’t listening-” both of them jolted and twisted into the rope, which vanished in front of Shikamaru. The portkey whizzed through what seemed to be space and time, and Kakuzu was reminded of muggle roller coasters. 

Kakuzu landed on his feet while Hidan collapsed head first, narrowly missing a stalagmite. “Where the fuck are we?” Hidan got up and looked around. It was the entrance to a large cave - their bodies were sprayed with bits of seafoam from the sea behind them.

Kakuzu looked around to see nothing but the ocean. It was cold, and he gathered his cloak around him more. “Somewhere wizards don’t go.” 

“We’re wizards, and are here,” Hidan pointed out. Kakuzu rolled his eyes. “Right.” They peered into the large cave, water dripping on their necks. They could see a dark body of water, still and silent compared to the ocean behind them. Hidan clasped his hands together. 

“Jashin,” he said, getting to his knees. “I thank you for this opportunity...” 

_ More like Madara’s,  _ Kakuzu thought, bitterly. 

“Opportunity to give me strength for this mission. I promise to do what is right in this world, which is get rid of all muggles and have a wizard only society. This mission will strengthen my-” 

“Shut up!” Kakuzu had had enough of his proselytizing. “Get up,” he reached down, noticing Hidan’s knees were now wet from the rockpools they could barely see. “We’ve found the cave and water. What do we do now?” 

“Check the water.” Hidan pointed his wand at it, which was completely still. “I’m going to do a Moses.  _ Transirent Mare Rubrum!”  _

As if an air pressure hose struck a pipe underneath the water, it parted all the way down to the rocky bottom, but Kakuzu could see there was something in there. 

“ _ Lumos. _ ” 

He moved past Hidan, who was concentrating hard on moving the water. Water and blood spells were his forte, so he should have had no trouble. Kakuzu held is wand up high to the wave to see, with a feeling of dread, an arm - or what seemed to be the remaining bits of a human arm, poking out of the water. 

At that moment, the arm reached out and suddenly grabbed Kakuzu, his wand hitting the rock behind him and he was pulled in. He didn’t have time to breathe as his entire body was immersed in the wave, black as the night. He could just see from where his wand gone that this was a lake full of bodies. 

Not just any bodies. These were bewitched corpses, their rotting flesh moving like seagrass in a storm. Kakuzu was pulled in for a number of seconds where bones tried to grab him, their white and cloudy eyes not blinking and he struggled -

_ “Protego!”  _

Kakuzu was blasted out of the water, falling hard onto his back. The water collapsed back over the path, showering both of them with its icy liquid. However the corpses had followed him out of the water, snapping their jaws and holding large weapons. There seemed to be many of them, most of them running over each other to get to the intruders. 

“These must have been Voldemort’s,” Kakuzu said, spitting out the salty water and trying to find his wand. His throat hurt, but he did not think of that. Warm blood was coming out of his face, as he’d been scratched and torn. “How-” 

“Find your  _ FUCKING  _ wand,” Hidan shouted, panic coming into his voice. The wand leapt into Kakuzu’s hand, as if it needed its owner. With his wand back in his possession, he also cast a shield charm. His was much stronger than Hidan’s. Hidan’s grey slick hair was plastered to his forehead now, their robes soaking wet and heavy. One of the creatures was inching closer, strong enough to get through the charm hit Hidan in the chest. 

Kakuzu broke the charm, rushed to Hidan and moved him as fast as he could, tripping over a salgamite as he went, and they were actually going to die, if only there was a way to stop them-

But then suddenly, the hands receded, the screeching had stopped and Kakuzu realised they’d gone to the edge of the cave, a small pebbled beach was the only thing in between them and the ocean.

“You’re injured,” Hidan spat out a tooth. He summoned Kakuzu’s pocket watch out of his jacket and Kakuzu could look into the mirror. His face was torn from one cheek to the other, like a glasgow smile. 

It all happened so fast. The injuries were from dark magic, so it was unlikely it would be healed - Kakuzu’s heart finally started to calm down. 

“We have to tell Madara before we go to St Mungos,” Kakuzu said quickly, trying to get up. Hidan pulled his arm, and he had a few scratches too. There was a slight one on his neck, and there was an ooze of blood mixing in his hair. “He’ll be at the Uchiha compound.” 

“Let me - fucking catch my breath,” Hidan breathed hard, but Kakuzu ignored him. Ignoring the portkey on the cave floor, they apparated. 

***

Itachi’s eyes flickered over their injuries as they banged on the door of the compound. “What happened?” 

“None of your fucking business.” 

“Where’s Madara?” Kakuzu asked, holding a rag to his face. 

At the name of the dark wizard, Itachi didn’t even shiver or look scared like other Akatsuki. He looked merely bored, and held the door open. “This way.” 

The compound was silent, with no magical creatures or any sign of human life. Uchiha flags were plastered over the cold looking buildings, and then Orochimaru, Madara’s trustworthy snake, came out to greet them. 

Itachi disappeared, off somewhere else as the snake took them into the middle of the compound where the meeting rooms were. 

Madara looked up, his red eyes glittering. 

“What did you find?” 

“Bunch of zombies,” said Hidan, pressing his hand against a nosebleed. “You should have said what potentially was  _ there _ .”  _ You fuck,  _ he added to himself silently, praying Madara didn’t use occumency. 

“And what else?” 

“That was it,” said Kakuzu, “We are coming to you before we go and treat our injuries.” 

“You are banished from my organisation,” said Madara. Kakuzu opened his mouth, before Hidan gave out a shout. 

“What the fuck?” 

Madara pointed his wand at him, then at Kakuzu. He looked simply murderous. “You did not obey my instructions! You did not finish the mission!” 

“What was the rest of the mission, then?” 

“You go to the cave. You do not under ANY circumstances go near the water. You take a blood sacrifice with you to check up on something highly powerful.” He hissed. “Did you, Hidan, not listen to what I said!?” 

“You went on for hours, how am I supposed to fucking know what you want-” 

“If you step foot in my organisation again, I will make sure I have your guts for garters!” 

“Fuck you, and your fucking organisation,” Hidan pulled out his wand. “ _ Segmentum! _ ” There was a burst of blood as Hidan cut his entire arm off, the one with the tattoo - the arm fell to the floor with a thud, and he grabbed Kakuzu, and they apparated. 


	5. Hexed!

“I’m going to be a fucking darker wizard than the cunt ever was!” Hidan spat, all while restrained to his bed at St Mungos. There was a sort of shield charm on the bed, so he couldn’t escape it. 

They were on the fifth floor, _Da__rk Magic and Evil Hexes - _ _The Gellert Grindlel Ward_ _ . _It wasn’t particularly busy at that point in time because people didn't go to St Mungos anymore as it was filled with more dark magic than ever. It had been around two or three hours since Hidan had cut his arm off. Their injuries from Inferi - which was what Kakuzu now called them - could be fixed but would forever leave a mark. Kakuzu’s checks were now red and black with wizarding stitching that would never fade. Hidan, on the other hand, had a limb to grow. A large bottle of Skelegro was on the bedside table. His arm was a bloody looking mess of bones, muscle slowly growing as nerves and veins knitted together. It was really gross. 

It didn’t stop Hidan from hexing the healer who gave him the disgusting concoction, who came out in boils. 

“You’re the worst bloody patient they’ve ever had,” said Kakuzu. He had gone home straight after he had been discharged, and picked out all of Hidan’s books about Jashin and came back. Hidan looked at him weirdly, the fact he was carrying a bunch of books about his religion was the most interest Kakuzu ever had about it. “I had a feeling that what we saw were Inferi.” 

“You mean zombies?” Hidan looked at him blankly. 

“No, zombies are different - Inferi are bewitched by dark magic. These were Voldemort’s victims. I think Madara was using us to check up on Voldemort’s old playgrounds, hence the Pendant. Voldemort was a Slytherin ancestor, he would have least been down there. But I have a theory.” 

Kakuzu opened one of the books. He landed on a particularly gruesome page of a muggle using his own intestine as a skipping rope. 

“Madara’s use of horcruxes is a form of Jashin magic.” 

Hidan stared at him. “Jashin? Horcruxes? You mean Madara is a Jashinist?” 

Kakuzu shook his head. “I don’t think so. This book on Jashinism is updated - and it states that Voldemort used horcruxes in the last Wizarding War before this one. One of them was in a cave full of Inferi. Obviously… it was the one Madara sent you to. Remember, it’s been two hundred years since Madara’s reign. Obviously he heard about what Voldemort did.” 

“So what’s a horcrux?” Hidan had skimmed the chapter past on Horcruxes when he read it - just like how devotees of any other religion picked and interpreted their own religious texts. He vageuly remembered reading how to make one, and it looked too complicated so he bookmarked it but then got a better version of the book so he forgot about it. "I know of it. I think."

“Your soul is split so you can’t be killed,” said Kakuzu, not bothering to go all out on an explanation with a grumpy Hidan. “It’s in your stupid books. That’s why Jashinists are immortal. However I believe you’ve not paid attention to the ‘_ how to create a horcrux’ _chapter - you just went straight to praying and killing.” 

Hidan pretended he didn't hear Kakuzu speak the truth. He cleared his throat. “Madara can’t kill me,” he said. “I’m - I _ was _\- Madara’s favourite pet. Jashin wishes me not to be killed also so that’s probably a better explanation then whatever the fuck you’re going on about.” 

“No,” said Kakuzu. “I think the pendant we took years ago from the Chamber of Secrets was a horcrux. It was Madara’s. That’s why its always got that little heartbeat you are talking about.” 

“It stopped beating when he tried to kill me a while ago.” 

“I don’t think it died. I think it escaped into you.” Kakuzu looked at the chapter containing horcruxes. “It can’t be killed with spells, but with magical objects - I think his horcrux got wind of what was going on that time we went into the Uchiha Compound, and he tried to kill you - and the horcrux knew it was the killing curse and tried to make a run for it.”

“So he can’t kill me, because of the fact I’m part of him?” 

“Yes he can,” Kakuzu clarified. “You have a piece of Madara’s soul in you. The pendant you had was a horcrux. It cracked open and went into the first living thing. That’s you. I don’t think he knows its Jashin magic.” 

Hidan, stupid as he was sometimes, looked like he was slowly understanding what his husband was talking about.

The difference is Jashin magic is interpretation. Madara kills - which Jashin could intercept as a sacrifice. Your stupid God, turns out - doesn’t know the difference between a worshiper and unintentional user of its magic.” 

“He’s not stupid. You’re stupid.” 

“I must be stupid for marrying you, then.” Kakuzu snapped the book shut. “I’ve got a meeting at Gringotts in an hour. I’m going.” 

Hidan’s mouth mimed the words _ love you _, which was surprisingly very affectionate for him. Kakuzu nodded, stitches moving up a little, and left.

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**Authors Note: I’ll be away tomorrow so will be posting the chapter on the 3rd and the next chapter on the 4th - which doesn’t really make a lot of difference because America is about 20 hours behind… thought I’d let y’all know. **

**Thanks for reading! **


	6. Monsters and Men

“Did you read the chapter about horcruxes?” 

“Uuh… Maybe. Yes. No... Yes?" 

Hidan had just come home, after being stuck in St Mungos for a week. Unfortunately other patients had heard Madara had thrown him out of his organisation because he couldn’t kill him, and it seemed like he was a sort of celebrity, ‘the second Harry Potter’. Which they then left afterwards after Hidan would threaten to kill them. 

Shikamaru bowed deeply to Hidan and took his coat and put it on the hooks. 69 Grimmauld Place looked exactly the same as it was several days ago, except slightly more cleaner because Hidan wasn’t messing it up and Shikamaru was doing his job for once. 

Kakuzu looked a little annoyed at Hidan’s comment about not reading the books. Hidan sat down next to him, muttering about not being able to hold a heavy book with such a fragile arm. He tapped his wand twice to make the applesauce tray come near him as he couldn’t be bothered reaching with his new arm. Shikamaru had made roast pork with sage and thyme, with bread rolls so they could have pork and applesauce sandwiches. Kakuzu had already eaten, and currently was nibbling on a pork crackling. He had a pot of black tea at his side with an orange jaffa. 

“Us getting kicked out of Akatsuki made the papers,” said Kakuzu. He looked over at  _ The Evening Prophet  _ which had the headline  _ MYSTERY AKATSUKI MEMBERS DISAPPOINT MADARA UCHIHA - YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! _ and two silhouettes of the pair accompanying the article. Hidan glanced at the newspaper for a few seconds, which was the longest he’d ever looked at one before. 

“Does it mention our fucking names?” 

Kakuzu shook his head. “They aren’t allowed.” 

“Anything interesting in there about us then?” 

“Not really,” said Kakuzu as Hidan bit into his roll and slowly ate, crumbs falling out of his mouth. St Mungo's food was disgusting and only now he slightly appreciated Shikamaru’s cooking. Kakuzu tapped his finger on page two to another article. “Gringotts will be having an inspection tomorrow.” 

“Uzu,” Hidan said, calling him by his nickname he barely used, “You have never exactly put a toe out of line, why would you be fucking concerned?” 

“We’re not part of the Akatsuki anymore.” 

_ Oh.  _

“And I think, Hidan, Madara might know you’re a horcrux too.” 

Double  _ Oh.  _

Hidan was silent for a few seconds as he spread applesauce over a new butty. “Who fucking cares?” 

“I do,” Kakuzu pointed out. “These will be Akatsuki members doing the audit. They can’t kill you, they’ll go after me.” 

Hidan ate, slowly chewing. Kakuzu could see bits of pork stuck to his teeth. He noticed his missing one must have been regrown at St Mungos. “You can defend yourself.” 

There was a slam of a fist as Kakuzu’s hand hit the table. It made Shikamaru jump and he walked out the room. Hidan looked up coolly. 

“They going to torture you to get to me? You already look like shit, stitches all over your fucking face. They knew you’ll defend your fucking money to the very end.” 

“You’re an asshole,” Kakuzu growled, getting up. “Don’t know why I even bother.” 

“Lah-de-fucking-da,” Hidan drawled. He shouted up as Kakuzu started going up the stairs. “You can look after yourself, are you a fucking Wizard or not!?” 

***

Kakuzu dreaded work the next day - usually he enjoyed his work because as a hungry money snob he was, he liked being in power of other people’s money. He took in his usual copies of newspapers -  _ The Daily Mail, The Sun, The Guardian  _ \- to check over muggle exchange rates so he could apply them to galleons. He knew - as a muggleborn - muggles had better technology so the exchange rates would instant change when needed. In the Wizarding World, they only needed to change once a day. 

His desk was small and cramped because it was goblin sized. The goblins were whispering around, muttering about how Uzumaki Naruto had been spotted several times in the last few days. Kakuzu frowned. Apparently there was a prophecy that Uzumaki was the reincarnation of Hashirama Senju, the wizard who took down Madara Uchiha several hundred years ago. Uzumaki was the only one who could kill him. 

There was a knock at his door and he looked up to see Kisame and Itachi in front of him. He felt no fear, but just looked at them. Itachi was running his eyes over the thick stitches covering Kakuzu’s face. 

“We’re here for the inspection,” said Itachi. “We have been down in the vaults all morning and now we are interviewing wizards.” 

A piece of parchment floated beside them, a large green feather was writing away. It was the Quick-Quotes spell; though they weren’t the most accurate of quills. 

Kakuzu turned his back. “Don’t even bother today, Uchiha.” 

He heard rustling, as if someone was getting out their wands. He turned to see Kisame started to turn a sort of pale, peachy tone - his hair got thicker and blacker, his teeth downsized… 

“Polyjuice Potion.” 

Madara pointed his wand straight at Kakuzu. “I’ve been waiting for you all morning.” 

Kakuzu’s eyes widened. 

“ _ Avada Kedavra.”  _


	7. Free Day

Death - it didn’t come. It had repelled against something in front of Kakuzu - it shimmered and then wore off. 

A disillusionment charm. 

Hidan had followed him to work. He lay, unconscious on the ground, for several seconds. Madara sneered. “Not you again. Get out of my way.” 

Hidan coughed, and slowly came back to life. “I think you’ve realised, you fucking asshole, that doesn’t work on me,” he wheezed, clutching his chest and slowly getting up. 

“Nobody calls me a fucking asshole and gets away with it.” He pointed his wand at the ceiling. “I’ve got you two right where I want you. Broad daylight and not in the shadows of the Uchiha Compound.” His wand came down with force, and there was a crack and then an explosion which made a terrific  _ BANG -  _ the ceiling was blasted off, the blue sky in view for everyone to see. 

Cement showered down on the goblins who were trying to escape. 

“Really? Fucking try me. I’m the only person to stand up to how much of a shithead you are,” Hidan pointed his wand at Madara’s chest. 

“ _ Sectumsempra!”  _

He made a cross motion and Madara tried to block it. It slashed into his arms where his defensive spell failed. “Where’s your goddamn snake, huh?” He said, as Hidan conjured some rope which tied around Madara’s body. 

Madara’s black robes were starting to look wet. Red stained the ropes. “Not here.” 

Itachi stepped forward, silent for a few seconds before speaking. “My brother killed him.” 

Madara looked at Itachi as if he’d betrayed him. He then spoke directly to Madara. “You don’t have long to live, uncle. You’ve been focusing on Hidan and Kakuzu for the longest time. You should have been focusing on the spy who infiltrated your ranks for Uzumaki Naruto. That wizard is  _ me. _ ” 

Madara let out an angry snarl. There was a red spark in Itachi’s eyes. 

“ _ Expecto Patronum.”  _

A white, silvery hawk escaped the tip of Itachi’s wand, and went off into the distance. 

“Finally you’re out the compound and in broad daylight. I’m letting my brother and Uzumaki know you’re here.” 

With that, he grabbed Hidan and Kakuzu, and they apparated. 

***

Itachi had dropped them off at the compound, and left as soon as they touched the ground. 

“What do we do?” 

“We wait.” 

***

“Madara is gone. Your house is gone. That house elf… not sure about him.” 

Hidan was sleeping on the soft bed next to Kakuzu, who had been up all afternoon waiting for Itachi. It was nighttime, the birds had gone to sleep outside. “What do you mean, Madara’s gone?” Kakuzu nudged Hidan in the ribs to wake up. Itachi looked exhausted, as if he’d just won a spectacular fight. 

“Uzumaki did the final blow,” said Itachi. “The Ministry has taken back over. The Akatsuki Organisation has been disbanded.” He paused. “I don’t think you can go back to your house. Or live in Britain, to be honest. You two were public supporters of the Dark Arts, along with Hidan who regularly killed in the name of the Akatsuki.” 

“Borgin and Burkes was shit anyway,” Hidan said, looking at Kakuzu’s face, which although was rather stoic, obviously didn’t like the idea of losing his job. “Poor Kuzu looks like he’s gonna have bunch of heart attacks.” 

“I’m  _ fine. _ ” 

Itachi looked at his watch. 

“I better get going, I’ve got to meet Sasuke. We’re cleaning up his mess overnight so that wizards can come out of hiding. But you two better leave. I can think of some safe houses in rural Japan, near here.” 

Hidan blinked. “What do you mean, near here?” 

“The Uchiha Compounds are in Japan, where we are right  _ now _ ,” Kakuzu supplied, and the face Hidan’s face turned, he didn’t know that. 

“Wait! So we’ve been apparating to another  _ fucking  _ country for Madara!? This is fucking Brexit Britian! It even has an English address! It’s in bloody Hampshire!” 

Itachi shrugged. “This place lives in two places at once.” He pointed at the two doors on the right of them, which Itachi had come from to bring them in hours earlier. “The left one takes you back to England. The other takes you to Japan. Take the right one until everything is over.” 

Hidan threw a foul look at Itachi, who smirked and then disapparated with a pop. 

“Two faced spy,” he said. “Come on.” 

Hand in hand with his husband, they took the door on the right. It opened on its own, and they stepped outside. It was completely silent, with large thin trees covering the uneven mossy ground. Kakuzu looked behind them to see the compound had changed into a crumbling wall behind them, to confuse the muggles. It was nighttime when they left, but in Japan it was daytime. 

“It was a one way door,” said Kakuzu. “No turning back.” 

Hidan looked around, and there was a smile on his face. He went up to a tree, and Kakuzu saw there was a small scratching in it, a circle in a triangle. 

“I don’t think this place will be so bad after all.” 

  
  


THE END 

  
  


A/N For those who didn’t guess, the Uchiha Compound was in the Aokihahara Forest, (Known as the suicide forest, unfortunately), and has Jashin’s symbol on it, as the God of Sacrifice and Death. I thought it would be fitting for the Uchiha compound to be in the forest, as it has such a sad history. Obvs some Jashin nutter put it on there - making it a perfect fit for Hidan to fit in while the Ministry returns to a post-Madara world. 

Thank you for reading xoxoxo


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